Words Hurt

    I'm having one of those days today. Those days that nothing can go right no matter what I try. I'm not even getting this post up until almost 12 hours later than I usually get it posted. My house is a mess, the van is a mess, and I am at my whit's end. I have learned to try to stay away from the kids when I'm in this mood, so I don't yell at them or say something I don't mean. 
      The topic of this post is: Words Hurt.  You can hit someone; kick them; break bones even. That stuff heals. Words, once they are said; can't be taken back. Your kids will remember them forever. And they can cause irreparable damage to your relationship.  My kids mean the world to me; but when I am angry I can snap at them. So I tend to try to steer clear and pray; so that I can calm down before I say something that I don't mean and can't take back.
     There is nothing that I would like better than for my kids to be happy, well-liked by their peers and well adjusted. I know that there isn't any way for me to know that this is or isn't going to happen; but I can always hope that this will happen in their lives! The point I wan to make here is that even when YOUR world feels like it's being turned upside down, don't take it out on the innocent ones. The kids. They are our hope for the future!

Why can't we all just get along?

     Sundays are usually a lazy day for us. The kids and I go to church. If the BEAST had to work the night before we let him sleep. Then we usually go for ice cream cones and stop to get the ingredients for an early supper on the way home. Today I have decided that I'm going to share the experience I had in bible study today, since the topic of unconditional love has obviously been on my mind. I talked about being non-judgmental in my last blog post; and I'm hoping that his post can clear some things about my thoughts up.
     Our bible study today was about loving everyone as God does. Unconditionally, and without prejudice. Loving EVERYONE, whether or not you like them. God doesn't tell us that we have to like everyone, but he does tell us to love our neighbors as ourselves. I, for one need a lot more practice in that area! I do try to be non-judgmental and be nice to everyone...  My main problem with this is I have a very big problem with people who hurt me. It's so hard for me to forget at times. I do forgive, but forgetting is SO hard! There are some situations where it is really difficult for me to even be nice to people. I'm going to have to spend a lot of time in prayer to accomplish this. This is an area, as I said in yesterday's post; where he BEAST excels. He's very welcoming and warm to everyone. I'm not going to say that he doesn't get angry with people, because he does; but he truly tries to see the best in people at all times. I need to take some lessons from him in that sense.
     I don't know why God put this topic on my heart lately, but I feel that it was very important to get out. If one or any of the readers gets something out of this post, then I have succeeded in my goal. Just to get this message out there could mean so much. What if we all just tried to love each other instead of attacking each other? Being jealous of each other? Why can't we all just get along?

The BEAST

    Sitting here preparing for our day; I realized that I haven't said much about my husband, the BEAST. That is totally a term of endearment, not an expression of his behavior in any way. It was so great to find someone who so suited myself as far as work ethic and discipline goes. A man who was willing to welcome an emotionally insecure woman and two children into his life. That takes a strong man.
      I call him the BEAST because of his reputation. The BEAST was pretty well-known for having a bad attitude. We actually met through his aunt, whom I used to work with. I had asked several people I knew about him, and had gotten mixed answers. I figured the best thing to do would be to meet him and make my own decision... And the rest is history, or so they say. I entered into a very loving family. Not saying that mine isn't, but we weren't nearly as demonstrative as they are. With every phone call they all end with "I love you". We just didn't do that. I'm telling you this to demonstrate that appearances can be deceiving.   He has never treated myself or my children with anything but love and caring. 
      There are people in this world who could take some lessons from the BEAST. He's a wonderful, loving person. If you respect him, he respects you. He doesn't discriminate. I don't know many people who can be as open minded as he is. I have to work very hard to be non-judgmental sometimes. I have very strong instincts about people, but I try to give them a chance to prove me wrong, and I try not to judge at all. Sometimes, though, it's very difficult for me not to do so. I have to remember that it's God's place to judge. He created us all equal, and we need to keep that in mind when we meet people. We are here by His design. No other reason.

An Irrational Sense of Entitlement

          Now that you have met my entire family, I'm going to take you on some of our experiences. You know, every year at school they make you sell something? Whether it be candy bars, shirts, whatever. Well, the NP child had to sell tumblers. You know, the plastic cups with the lids? And they were expensive, let me tell you! Well, the kids that sold them got rewards. I believe there was supposed to be one level of reward if you sold 3; another level if you sold 6; etc. Well, the NP child was pretty diligent about it, and sold 3 of the overpriced cups. We were driving to school on the day she was supposed to turn in her order form and money, and I asked her "are you excited for your reward?" to which she replied: "Oh, it's not really a reward anymore, someone's mom called the school and complained that it's not fair to all of the kids if they have to sell the cups to get the reward, so now everyone gets it." Okey-dokie.... I stewed about this the whole way through dropping her off at school and dropping THAT child at preschool. 
            Everyone these days is complaining that kids, teens, young adults seem to think that the world owes them something, and that they have no work ethic. YA THINK?! What example is being set for them if parents are teaching them that they don't have to do anything to get the same rewards as someone who worked for it? This is a really sore subject for me, because the NP child is somewhat shy, and it's hard for her to go out and ask people to buy things. To all the parents who are complaining about the "irrational sense of entitlement" that your children seem to have, maybe you should look back and ask yourself "did I encourage it?"
           I know that not everyone grew up with parents like mine. My dad is about to turn 63 and works just as hard or harder than he did when he was 43. My mom works 2 and 3 jobs sometimes. I worked at a job I loved when the NP child and the GAMER were young. I had to change careers(still in the same field, just a different position) when THAT child was born, because I got carpal tunnel syndrome.  We moved several states away when THAT child was 2, and I haven't worked at a job since. I almost wish I did, I think I do more staying at home! The point I'm trying to make, and the point I made yesterday, is that everything starts in the home. Your kids observe your behavior and try to model after you. If you constantly defend your child and step in so that they get rewarded for not doing the work, they aren't going to do the work.
          When I was a kid, in the '80's and '90's, not everyone made the team just because they tried out. We didn't get awards just for participating. We worked for everything, we got disappointed, and that was alright, because life is full of disappointments! We were more realistic back then, and no one seemed to have the idea that everyone has to play, or the ones that don't have the ability should play. We didn't really get second and third chances at our schoolwork. If it wasn't done, it wasn't done. If I got a bad grade, I got the blame. Not my teacher.
          When I look around at what is going on in this world, it makes me sad. In no way would police officers been threatened and targeted the way they are now. The blatant disrespect of Beyonce's super bowl performance would never have been tolerated. And why are we allowing this? Because they feel "entitled" to their freedom of speech, freedom of assembly. While these are valid points, when they put the safety of other Americans into question, we need to question their motives. Yes, these people are entitled to certain freedoms as American citizens, but we don't need to tolerate the outcomes that those freedoms stir up.  I wonder what God thinks as he looks down on his creation right now. We need to humble ourselves before Him and repent, before it's too late.

Setting Boundaries

          Well, I have introduced ya'all to THAT child, and to the NP child; so I suppose it's time to introduce you to the remaining two, the BABY and the GAMER. The GAMER is the second-oldest and is an incredibly loving child with a very intense video game addiction. So intense that I chose to remove video games from our home. I believe that for this reason; he has decided to live with his father for the time being.  For a bit of background, he was introduced to video games at a young age. The NP child and the GAMER's father played video games; though not obsessively. When we split up the opportunity wasn't there, as they rarely saw their father(his choice, I did nothing to prevent him from seeing the children every weekend.).When I met my current husband and we began to build our life together the opportunity re-introduced itself, though in a far more primitive form.  I continued to struggle with him and his video game addiction through starting school and chores. He would often lie about having his homework and his chores done so that he could play his game of choice. If I went outside to do chores, he would sneak onto the game system. No amount of punishment helped, it was the same situation daily. This is the reason that the games were removed from our home. Now that he has decided to stay with his father, the video games have made a reappearance in his life, and from what the NP child has told me, his school work is beginning to suffer again.
          Now to introduce you to the BABY. She was the best decision I have ever made. The decision to have "just one more" before I turned 35. She is spunky and rambunctious, loving and innocent. There is nothing I love better than waking up to her babbling in the morning. She is a precious piece of innocence in my life. She loves animals and colors. Her favorite thing to do is to wake her daddy up in the morning.  I love taking pictures of her and taking her with me everywhere. When she snuggles up to me, my heart just melts. The same thing happens when I have to tell her no...and her little lip comes out and her eyes well up with tears...
           But, the point I am trying to make with the introductions of both the GAMER and the BABY is that children need boundaries. It doesn't matter if the problem is video game addiction or something as innocent as the BABY putting her fingers where they shouldn't be. There need to be boundaries in our children's lives. I often wonder if many of the problems that are going on in this country today may have been changed if the culprits had had parents that set clear boundaries? Had told them that they need to be home by curfew and followed through? Had shut off that violent movie they were watching and prayed with them? Satan is everywhere in this world, and all it takes is one person to stand up and say no....others will follow. As Christians, we need to lead by example, and that example starts in the home.

THAT child and the NP child

       I recently wrote about being the mom to THAT child. Well, as it turns out; I'm also the mom to his polar opposite, the NP(near perfect) child. This one does as she's told, the teachers love her, she makes friends easily....Does her chores without complaint, works hard in school...And I love her just as much as I love THAT child. My NP child excels at everything she does. She's a stand out athlete, has never gotten below a B in school; and basically loves everyone and everything. She's helpful and kind, and is easy to get along with. She is the child that makes you want to have another child. Even as a baby she was well-behaved and loving. 
          Having THAT child and the NP child actually works out very well, they compliment each other in several ways. They usually get along and the NP child doesn't mind watching THAT child.  Possibly it is because the NP child started out similar to THAT child. She didn't like going to preschool, and abhorred change. She was, in fact, the original THAT child. This is what gives me hope for the future with THAT child. I don't even care if he gets to be as near perfect as the NP child, I just hope that we see some progress that makes a difference for him. 
           The NP child is a great role model for THAT child. She's his calm in the face of chaos. His feelings are easily hurt, that's his nature. How we handle his meltdown often sets the tone for the day. He is a very intelligent child; and for some reason the NP child knows just how to approach the situation. She is organized and calm. Our lives are very structured, that's how I like to have them. Idle hands are the Devil's playground, as they say. Some think that over-structuring a child's environment can be bad, but my children crave that structure. They know what happens at any given time of the day. They know what time we wake up in the morning, what time we leave for school, what time we are picked up from school, what time we eat supper, what time we take baths/showers, and what time we go to bed. There is only one day that we change our routine, and that's Wednesday; when we go to bible study. 
           My children's relationship with God is also very important to me, and even to THAT child. By Tuesday he's asking when we are going to church again. God provides the oasis that brings us peace in this chaotic life. The NP child and THAT child also have several friends and role models at church. THAT child can be extremely introverted at times, and the kids and people he knows at church seem to draw him out at times. I truly hope that, in the next year we see a major breakthrough in THAT child's behavior and personality. I wish that everyone could see him as I do, in his relaxed environment, talking my ear off about something he saw that day. But instead most of them see a little boy who refuses to talk to anyone and hides behind mama.  Someday, I have faith that THAT child will also become an NP child!

THAT kid

            Do any of ya'all have THAT kid? The one that all the parents look at and think "OMG, that poor mom!" The one that is laying underneath the shopping cart in the store or crying because he doesn't want to go to school? Yep; I have THAT kid. But the thing those people don't know about THAT kid, is that everything that he does is done with such feeling, such passion; that it just couldn't be any other way. He feels so deeply, so intensely, that he doesn't know what to do with those excess feelings. He is the sweetest, most loving child when he's in that mood. He can play with his brother and sisters for hours.... Yes, I am the mom of THAT kid, and I love him more than words can say. I wouldn't have it any other way. If the rest of ya'all could only experience one day of what it's like to live with this whirlwind, you would realize how rewarding it truly is. Things that are broken can be replaced, but time with your children is precious and so fleeting.... I would much rather spend time loving my kids than worrying about the "stuff" that they might have broken.
           THAT kid is one of the treasures in my life, whether I always feel that way or not. There are some days that I get so frustrated; but I have to go on. There is no other alternative, above all, I am a mommy. I rarely get to go to the bathroom by myself or sleep a whole night in bed without at least one child in it, but that's the life I chose; and I wouldn't change it for anything.  I'm happy to live with THAT kid, and, if I do my job right, he may grow up to be one of THOSE kids who go out and make a name for themselves in this world. THAT kid is a shining hope for the future in a world filled with chaos, and I am going to do my best to mold him into a fine young man one day. But for now, I am content with allowing him to be THAT child, because innocence only lasts a short time. And who could do without kisses on my hands and "love you mama" as I leave him at preschool? Not this mama.