There are days.... I tell ya. I just want to crawl back in bed and pull the covers over my head. The GAMER was supposed to come down here for the BABY's dedication ceremony on Easter Sunday; but now his father isn't allowing him to come down. He also tried to take him in the truck with him on the week that we were in Minnesota for Christmas. I don't know what to even say. My heart is broken that he won't be at his sister's dedication. It's such a special moment, but I shouldn't have expected anything different! On a brighter note, THAT child's horse is going to be delivered this afternoon. I need to keep my focus on the good things in my life right now, because it's so easy to dwell on the bad.
I have problems with depression and panic attacks, and focusing on the good in my life has helped me to control these. I just hope that someday, he understands what it's like to be kept from his child. It tears me down to the bone. Just because I have 3 other children doesn't mean that I don't love them all equally and individually. Even when the GAMER had me so frustrated I had to leave the area; I still had his best interests and love in my heart.
I'm going to place this issue in the hands of the Lord, and see how it all works out. If the GAMER was meant to come down, it will happen. I refuse to allow myself to be dragged into an argument about it. There are documents in place for these issues, and if I have to have them enforced, I will; but turning to God is where my heart is leading me right now. For some reason I feel such peace when I think of my conversations with Him. He will always lead in the right direction, whether we think it's right or not.
No comments:
Post a Comment