What a busy day! Garage sale, horse sale, family here from Minnesota... The BABY did very well on her first day without mama....6 hours with the NP child and the BEAST. I'm just wondering if I did the right thing by leaving. I had made plans to go to the horse sale with some friends before our visitors decided that they were coming. Should I have cancelled? I normally would have, but I dug in my heels today and decided to go. It sure seems like everyone got along fine without me!
I know that God tells us that wives should submit to their husbands, but where is the line between submission and control? I love my husband with everything that I am; but I already was in a very controlling and mentally abusive relationship. I know that I shouldn't, but sometimes I'm very sure that I take it out on the BEAST. I don't mean to, but I do. He's a good man. Basically lets me do whatever I want to do, within reason. Why do I feel that I have to react when he tells me to do something or asks me not to do something? I know deep down that he's not asking me to control me, but I sometimes push against the wall anyway. The BEAST goes out of his way to try and give me everything I want. I hit the marriage jackpot with him.
I need to spend some time thinking about this myself. I need to pray about it and see how I feel afterwards. I do understand what the BEAST is trying to do, but I am so programmed to have a violent reaction after being married to the NP child and the GAMER's father. And their dad is still trying to control me to this day. I don't know how I feel about that; but I will figure it out before my visit to Minnesota for the summer, that's for certain.
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